Parenting is one tough business.....

When I signed up to be a mom, I thought I was "ready." Financially we were ok, I had my education and so did N, we had a home, jobs, and a pretty good perception of the world. I was a teacher and figured if I can handle a gazillion kindergarteners all day, surely I can handle one kid. I am empathetic, funny, and I love me some cuddles! I was also an aunt to the most beautiful niece on the planet. I was pretty good at that, too. I was her 2nd favorite (out of 2) and I was proud of that. I had dozens of childhood development classes, CPR training, AND happened to love children's literature. If this was a job opportunity-I'd be hired on the spot! 

However, in 2009, my son arrived, I forgot everything I thought I knew. I was starting over. I wasn't ready. You're never ready.

Nothing can prepare you. Nothing. The happiness is overwhelming. The rough and tough moments-the "He doesn't look so good." and "What have you done?" and "Stay with mommy." and "Mommy needs to tell you something." leave you feeling like your empty and heartbroken. The love a mother has for her child is unimaginable. 

We've had our moments.....

Year one-he had tummy problems. He cried. I cried.
Year two-my sister, his beloved Aunt Nina, passed away. He cried. I cried. 
Year three-violence is out of control and strikes a first grade classroom. I cry, he wonders why.

Let me be very clear and say that we have also had MANY wonderful blessings over the last almost 4 years. TOO MANY to count. We've had our moments though. None of them come even close to what the parents in Sandy Hook are going through right now. If the events in our 4 years broke my heart for minutes or days, I can't even imagine what these parents must feel. I hope I never do. 

Live. Go. Do.